you have a great paper that is organized and well thought out. a few suggestions that I have is:
1. I'd like to know more about the origin of the innate immune system if you know any more. this is a really interesting sectiom
2. you give the acronym for antimicrobial peptides but you continue to write it out. use the abbreviation. also you mention lipopolysaccharide but never give the acronym but you use it later in the paper.
3. I'm not really sure what a dimer is, can you clarify in the paper???
4. you have an interesting section about the bumblebees. is there a specific pathway that dominates all the time when bumblebees have been put through a physically challenging situation or does it depend on the pathogen introduced?
5. there are two sentence structures that I found to be a little awkward. First, is in the introduction when you say "responses" four times in one sentence. can you say something like, "there are two ways that the immune system is involved in a response…" second place is in the conclusion when you say, "immune responses have continued to evolve…" the verb tenses don't really match up. can you say something like, " immune responses continue to evolve and develop as organisms change, grow, and live longer."
otherwise, the paper reads really well. Good job.
(account deleted)Excellent paper Kristen! It was really easy to follow and comprehend, definitely a plus. Also, you did a really awesome job describing everything and explaining everything, it helps the reader. Some of the acronyms like JNK or GATA, do you know what they mean or is that just their title? Honestly, your paper is so well done, I do not have much to say. But, in the intro and conclusion you mention using these studies to apply to human studies and such. Have you come across any information about how invertebrate studies can be applied? Just a thought. Also, is there any differences between the innate immune systems of inverts and verts? If so, just clarify in that section. It sounded like everything we had covered in class and I just wasn't sure if the innate immune responses were the same.
1. What are differences between invertebrate and vertebrate immune systems?
a. Vertebrates have T- cells and B-cells
b. Invertebrates only have an innate immune system
c. Vertebrates have an innate immune system and an acquired immune system
d. Invertebrates use AMPs in their immune system
*A:a
2. Which statements are true about melanization?
a. It helps to trap the pathogen
b. It happens when invertebrates are exposed to too much sun
c. Spots can be seen on the organism, where melanization occurred
d. Pathogens are allowed to live within the melanized area for several days
*A: a, c
3. Explain why regulation of the immune system is important and give an example of how it is regulated.
A: many answers could apply
Hey, I like your paper, it is very organized. I wrote most of my comment right in you paper so you can check them out ther. A couple of this though:
1. I would not use contractions in your paper
2. you seem to really like the word the, so much that you kinda use it a little too much. I cross out some of the one's that seem really unessisary to me, but it's something to watch for.
3. double the complment cascades, either i'm retarded, or i think you might have a fact or two messed up.
Overall very good paper.
Potential test question.
Toll receptors in flies are analagous to what time of molecules in vertebrates?
A. Toll like receptors
b. complement molecules
c. ficolins
d.cathlocidences
e. Interleukins
Answer. A
Overall I really liked your paper. Like Justin said above, try to avoid contractions. I caught most of them, but you may want to check again. There were a few awkward sentences that either need to be broken up or need better transition, but the information was great and really solid.
Good paper.
I really liked the bumblebee part. Are there any other places that you could uses specific species? Like when you say that adaptive response has recently been discovered in invertebrates…..this seems like kind of a big deal and it may help the reader if you talk about a specific species it was found in.
It was nicely organized with easy to read paragraphs!
Great paper Kristen! I really enjoyed reading it. I agree with Brooke about the bumblebee part of the paper—it helped to bring up a specific example of your topic. Paper is well organized and concise. I would just watch the contractions, but other than that, I think you're off to a great start. There's just a few minor tweaks in sentence organization that are noted in the paper, but I think it looks pretty fabulous!
Very Nice Paper. You have done a very good job explaining the differences between invertebrate and vertebrate immune systems, I too like the specific example using the bumblebees :) Most of the grammar things i would change, contractions etc., were already noted in the paper! Good Job!!
